i'm just a drop in the ocean
by fallendrastic
Summary: And the cycle continues. / Sam and Freddie - it's a twisted and patterned game barely worthy of the word love.


**A/N: decided to try a new writing style, what do you think? anyways, just to clear up confusion, boy = freddie and girl = sam**

**.**

bad girl + good boy = heartbreak.

it's simple math.

girl ignores it and stupidly lets boy into her life with his name on her lips and a deep breath.

she wishes she didn't.

.

boy kisses girl.

girl's reluctant and steps back.

she knows how these things end.

.

girl breaks boy's heart.

boy tells her he loves her nevertheless.

girl's paralyzed with fear for a moment, regains her posture and runs away. boy chases her.

.

girl plays with fire, boy gets burned.

she doesn't care (won't ever care) she's just that way, finding some twisted satisfaction out of some other person's pain.

content to loneliness, she tells herself.

girl looses her direction.

.

boy sinks his teeth in an apple this time, no girl, no life.

.

girl avoids boy every time, the coolness of the silver blade makes her eyes water.

it's cliche, she knows. it's addicting, she knows.

she doesn't want attention, she doesn't know what she wants.

she drops the blade into the sink and wipes her wrist and walks away, developing a phobia for knives.

girl, however, knows she doesn't want this.

she never does it ever again.

.

girl's wrist scar fades and she almost forgets the incident.

that is, until, boy gives her a birthday cake, and hands her the knife to cut the cake.

flashback. sink and knives and tears and wrists and that's all she sees.

she throws the knife away, tears, tears and more tears and she again feels like a stupid, helpless damsel in distress.

she hates feeling weak.

.

boy holds girl's hand during prom.

girl's wearing a pretty black dress that reach her knees, ripped at the ends (carly must have forced her to wear it) and her eyes hold no emotion.

boy and girl dance, and this time, girl kisses boy.

it's a cycle, once they have completed the start and finish, they rewind and do it all over again.

.

girl throws the flowers into the lake and storms off.

"what did i do wrong?" boy asks and girl shivers, her eyes brimming with tears as she hisses, "nothing" before running away.

boy doesn't chase her this time, but instead bitterly thinks, _that's what she's good for_.

.

girl leaves scars on boy as if he was hers.

not physical and visible scars, emotional scars and invisible to the naked eye.

they're easy to lie about.

.

boy kisses girl again and she steps back, still afraid, and still feeling like a stupid damsel in distress.

and the cycle continues.

.

girl leaves the next day, simple as that.

she leaves without a goodbye.

she tells carly and spencer and scribbles down her new address in london and begs them _don't tell freddie_ in a hushed tone before leaving.

one of the worst goodbyes in history. it has to be some kind of record.

.

girl dreams about boy every night.

boy cries continuously, secretly, of course, every night.

.

scars, scars, and more scars.

girl loves leaving scars.

emotional scars hurt the most.

boy doesn't love them so much.

.

boy finds girl.

all it takes is the going down on his knees and pressing his palms together to make carly budge and he hops on a plane to london and here he is.

girl blinks, fear rushing up her veins. (damsel in distress, it kills her)

"what are you doing here?" she whispers so coldly boy shivers.

"i wanted to be." he replies.

she lets him stay because she's that easy to break.

don't worry, she's gonna scar him again.

.

girl runs.

she's good at that, the next day she grabs her suitcase (she hates unpacking, so she doesn't unpack) and runs.

on her tip toes, she leaves him a short letter this time.

too short.

.

boy wakes up to nothing but there's a pretty little note on her pillow where she should have still been sleeping on.

_stop looking for me._

black words on a piece of white paper is enough to make a layer of his heart tear off.

day by day.

cycle goes on and on and on and on.

.

time to scar him and break him so hard he can't be fixed.

girl squeezes her eyes tight and prays (she's not religious, but she wants to be) for a moment.

she doesn't say bye world, she's not into cliches. she holds onto the railing, the temptation so endearing...

she jumps. she doesn't know why.

girl's hair flies into the air and her eyes sting and her ears get blocked and darkness.

they say you'll see your life flash before you when you die, and girl sees carly and spencer for a moment.

and the last thing she sees is boy's smile back when he wasn't broken.

.

boy finds out about girl's death through the papers.

carly cries and cries and cries and spencer's on the verge of tears but boy's silent.

he skips her funeral (no one expected him to come, anyways) and instead places a single lily on her grave.

boy whispers, "i love you" so softly it's almost inaudible.

"i love you even though you put me through hell. i love you so much it hurts, i can't figure out why i love you so much and you left without a goodbye. do you have any idea how pissed i am?" it takes a second for boy to realize he's crying.

(_they're so cliche it's exhausting_)

.

boy sees no meaning in life now.

.

bad girl + good boy = heartbreak.

simple math.

.

**author feels lame. thanks for reading though and review.**


End file.
